Mum

Mum left us on 4 November. We'd said our goodbyes and 4 days after Sharon and I arrived in England she decided to go. It is hard to know what to write in a blog about someone so special. Thanks to Nicky, Simon and Aaron, and modern technology Sharon, Harry, Mike and myself were able to be with everyone else as they celebrated her life and said goodbye.  The service was a tribute to Mum with the church packed with lots of friends and her family.  The service can be found on http://qik.com/awishnowsky and http://qik.com.simoncas2407 - there a number of short clips taken through cell phones so that we could be there 'live'. This is what Rebecca read out for us at Mum's funeral.

Our mother and grandmother loved her garden and her home in Paekakariki. She loved the birds, the flowers and the friendliness of her neighbours and the community. It is hard to credit that she spent most of her lifetime around the Kapiti Coast and now her family is spread around the world. We have heavy hearts knowing that we can't say goodbye to Mum in person today. But our little family is growing and it also warms our hearts to know that Rebecca and Aaron are sitting with Cheryl and Marty today and that everyone in the church is supporting us and has some wonderful memories of Beth. Thank you for coming to say goodbye to our mother, grandmother and your friend. Thanks to modern technology we are hoping to be with you today. If we aren't for some technological reason which can not be sorted out, our thoughts and prayers are with you as you share this special time together. When we left for England I suggested to Mum that we bought her a computer. Emailing is so much faster and cheaper Mum and we could even skype I told her. Well you can imagine the response - her face said it all - no - I'll write and telephone she said. And the letters and telephone calls did come. It occurred to me the other day that we are saying goodbye to someone of the last generation who have communicated extensively through hand writing and telephone. No need for email, facebook, twitter and blogs when you can write and post a letter or pick up a phone!! Somehow knowing that Mum wrote that letter just for me made them very special – even if it meant that our telephone calls were often cut short as she said ‘ I can not tell you what happened this week because I wrote it in the letter I haven’t posted yet’. Mum's letters told the story of the last three years of her life. These and the few years before are important years, because she was very happy - doing her own thing - meeting her friends - buying the occasional teddy bear and coffee. She caught the local bus to Coastlands and surprisingly made a stand to keep the bus service going. I can still remember opening the letter with the newspaper article and a photo of her with a beaming smile. She met friends on the bus and often wrote about who she chatted to, the little jokes she shared with Laurence the driver, and how kind people were lifting her trolley down from the bus and walking it across the road. She wrote about the kindness of neighbours and friends in the community who helped her with plumbing or wiring problems, lawn mowing, gardening, looking after her cat and collecting her mail and about her family who rang and went to see her on a regular basis. She wrote about meeting her friends at Cafe Brie, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Fishermans Table, Cobb and Co - occasionally to celebrate a birthday or a visit from her family etc but mainly just to celebrate having friends. And when Mum went to hospital the letters kept coming - now dictated by Mum and written by Cheryl - these told of the challenges she faced with a determination that surprised even the most experienced doctors. I remember seeing her in Wellington soon after her stroke and made a comment about how tough it all was - she looked at me and said 'It could be worse'. A lesson for us all about looking on the ‘bright side of life’. The last few months of Mum's life were the ones that represented the most change for her in the last 50 or so years. 3 moves in just a few months compared to 50 or so years in the same house. She adapted well thanks to Cheryl and Marty being there for her. They and the caring nurses at her 3 ‘homes away from home’, helped her to be content in the last few months. I know that if Mum is looking down on us today she would want to give Cheryl a big loving smile and a thank you. I know we will all have memories of Mum and I also know that she has left an impression on us. We can all take a lesson from her book on patience, determination, politeness, thankfulness, caring, enjoyment of life – they are all good lessons. Funerals and enjoyment aren't really words that go together. But you know as well as we do that Mum would want us to be happy today. She would consider a funeral with laughter and good conversation over a cup of tea and some snacks as the right way to say goodbye to her. I can almost hear her say 'Would you like another cup of tea or perhaps some more cake' .
We'll miss you.